As a kid I loved the Winnie The Pooh books and this particular quote has a special place in my heart as it was first read to me by my Dad.   Even at a young age I wondered if I could really be braver,stronger and smarter ………….. could I be all those things?  I think that kids are definately braver, stronger and smarter than they think.  As we grow older we develop a sense of fear and in many cases a totally irrational fear which stops us from taking that next step – from being braver than we think.  Where do we lose this sense of unbridled fearlessness to take on the world – to jump out of that tree, to speak up in class even though the answer may be wrong,  to just live in the now and embrace all that is around us.  As kids a group of my friends and I would regularly leave my house and make our way up the side of Mt Wellington (a dormant volcano in Auckland) dodging the cow pats and rocks which stuck out from the grass on our way to the top.  Once there we would slide down the crater on pieces of cardboard which were always left there for the local kids to use, climb back up and slide down again then make our way back down the mountain.  A few years ago I took my husband and boys to see where I grew up and went to school and this included a drive up Mt Wellington with my very dear friend M who had been on those trips up the mountain in our younger years.  I pointed out where we we climbed up – a voice from the back then said “Why didn’t you walk up the road?” I had to think about that for a moment and then the answer came to me – we had never even thought of it, we always just scurried up the side. M & I just looked at each other and then the uncontrollable laughter started (which I love – when the absolute joy bubbles to the surface and is expelled as an explosion of the loud uncontrollable belly laugh which you can’t contain and it is always better when shared with a friend) So when did I start just “taking the road” not “scurring up the side?”

Good question – firstly I think I should clarify that I am not talking of being brave in the sense of wrestling a bear or jumping into a Muay Thai ring  or sitting through an entire Woody Allen movie.  I am talking about your I.B. your Inner Bravery.  This is something that quite often only you are privy too so others have no idea that you are being brave.

As we get older our perception of the world changes and you then have life experiences which start to make your sense of bravery shaky.  Everything from losses to broken hearts to rejection to body issues etc etc etc.  You start as a teenager to worry about what other people think of you and this is particularly true for young women.  The worry then becomes what will I wear, which group do I hang around with, am I getting too fat or thin, the list is endless.  I am sure as a teenager most of us witnessed someone being bullied at school but didn’t have the strength to stand up for them as the fear of being also bullied or worse being ostracized by your so called friends was more than you could bear.

We as women are still guilty of this as we get older.  Women are so quick to cut other women down when we should be building each other up.  What gives you the right to voice an opinion of what another women is wearing or doing when you don’t have all the facts.  A few years ago I went back to New Zealand for my High School Reunion which was a fabulous weekend.  I was so excited to be going and I had used some Frequent Flyer points to upgrade to business class. When it came time to board I took my place in the business class queue.  A women then tapped me on the shoulder, looked me up and down and preceded to tell me in her rather loud self righteous sanctimonious tone that I was obviously (yes she used that word) in the wrong line.  “Obviously ” this was because I was also not wearing a full face of makeup, designer outfit or Christian Louboutin shoes.  But – I was also not trying to board the flight dressed as a homeless person, wearing a Pokemon Onesie or even in my pyjamas.  Seriously who did this women think she was?  I couldn’t even say anything and as much as I wanted to be brave and stand up for myself, I just couldn’t,  as the feeling of sadness had just spoiled my whole experience. I was now at the front of the line and a Qantas Steward had heard the whole exchange and he turned out to be just what I needed.  He took my boarding pass and then welcomed me back, offered to carry my hand luggage and also escort me to my seat.  Max was my Knight in Shining Armour – and the fact that for the whole flight he made sure I had a full glass was also most appreciated.  Max was the brave one on that day not me.

I will be completely honest here and say that one of my biggest fears is simply going out with people (and baked beans, but that is for another time) – especially those I do not know.  I am also aware that for those of you who know me, will think how strange this is as I am very social.  Here in lies my dilemma. I am actually being very brave but the only ones who know are myself & my husband.  He is the one who gets me out the door with nothing but love and encouragement which is one of the many many reasons that I love him.  He will then check in with me through the night to see how I am going and sometimes if it is a big room of people just a touch on my arm is enough.

So at this point in my life I am trying very hard to be braver than I believe, stronger than I seem and smarter than I think.  Just got to keep putting myself out there and do my best (like a good ex Girl Guide would.)

Who knows maybe next year I will try some new things I have never done before to test my I.B.  As long as it doesn’t involve baked beans I should be fine…………….